A Larger Room

When parenting, it is not unusual to feel like you don't know what you are doing or how to improve your relationship with your child. To me, acknowledging when you feel challenged presents a new beginning, like walking into a larger room. In that room, the rules have changed and all that worked before no longer does. 

When I enter this new room, I try to remember that I am closer to where I want to be despite my uncomfortable feelings. I am about to be transformed, and it is up to me to decide how I want to show up.

A few weekends ago, I went to visit my daughter. While she took care of a few errands, I watched my grandson, who is almost one and was navigating a change in his nap schedule. When I went to put him down for a nap, nothing I tried seemed to work. No bottle, diaper check, hug, music, rocking, or walking helped in any significant way. 

Knowing that I would need to try something new, I surrendered to the moment, held him with love, and resigned myself to knowing I was doing my best and that eventually, things would become more apparent.

To my relief, within five minutes, my daughter returned home, and I shared a recount of the recent occurrences. She tried all of the things on her list step by step while also listening deeply and observing not just what he was doing but what he wasn't doing. She decided his cry sounded like hunger, so despite his having had a hearty breakfast, lunch, and two bottles, she fed him a third bottle and a snack. And that was it! All was well; together, my daughter, grandson, and I had reached an understanding and the end of the mystery.

Feeling like you don't know what you are doing is the central parenting experience, whether our child is a toddler, teen, or adult. Our children don't come with manuals. It may be that they are not old enough to talk to us (or that they don't want to). They may lack the self-awareness to communicate their circumstances, thoughts, feelings, or actions. Regardless, it's a challenge.

As your children get older, you likely have expectations for how they will conduct themselves. Within reason, these expectations are appropriate, and part of a parent's job is to help guide their child in this way. The best parents are consistent and clear about expectations and consequences. 

Our children can be our greatest gifts and teachers. Are you up for the challenge? Are you ready to walk into a larger room? I can help- not by telling you what to do, but by offering curious questions and holding a neutral space for you to be your best self.

eugenianascimento.com

October 3, 2019