Patience

People often tell me they want to have more patience. Many people struggle with patience or are very hard on themselves when they feel they have not been patient enough.

Impatience is an unwillingness to wait for something or someone. Humans sometimes feel impatient; the feeling came in handy in the hunter-gatherer days and told us when to move on from a place that was no longer prosperous or from a hunt that was not feeding us. When we look at it from an evolutionary perspective, impatience is a survival emotion that motivates us to move on from things that are no longer serving our best interests.

In contrast, patience means having the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. While I understand that this sounds much more honorable, I believe that it all comes down to what is fueling the patience or impatience.

Patience and impatience are feelings; feelings are neither positive nor negative, and either feeling can fuel productive or counterproductive actions. It is less about patience or impatience and more about noticing the thought behind the feeling.

The onset of either of these feelings is a moment to pause, feel the feeling, and become curious. Ask yourself some empowering questions: What am I making this mean? What is this moment teaching me, and what am I creating in my life when I am patient or impatient?

Paying attention to our thinking and noticing what we feel provides necessary insight into our blind spots. Feeling your feelings all the way through, taking responsibility for them, and the thoughts that create them better ables you to find a connection to the patience you seek.