Assertiveness

Assertiveness

I was pushing three-year-old Grandson in his swing today, and after his mom delayed his lunch for as long as she could, she told him it was time to go inside and eat.  He repeatedly and emphatically said no with a strength of awareness and commitment I had never seen from him before. I found myself smiling and being very grateful for the gift my daughter and son-in-law had given him.  

He was speaking his mind without guilt or fear of being punished for feeling.  He was freely expressing his truth from an authentically strong place. 

His mother showed him compassion while respecting his feelings and perspective, which led to a peaceful resolution of respect and compassion.

With his sense of self-worth intact and his feelings honored, I watched as his brain shifted gears, and he was able to be more receptive to his mom's request. I watched as she thoughtfully considered his perspective and engaged him in solving the problem at hand.

This beautifully choreographed dance allowed him to choose the things that affect him, with his mother holding a non-judgemental space free of force, dictating or physically controlling his actions. 

With compassion and emotional flexibility, she allowed him to experience the natural consequences of his actions with dignity.  

In the end, he accepted that it was time for our morning together to end and went inside to have lunch and take a nap. Not, however, before having practiced speaking up for himself and collaboratively problem-solving with those around him. 

When we choose to empower and teach our children to use their intuition and to be independent thinkers, we are also teaching them to say "NO" to us confidently.  

When we listen to our children, allow them to voice their dissent, and take their opinions seriously, we encourage them to find solutions and to know that their feelings and preferences matter.