In team sports, referees or officials watch a game or match closely to ensure that the rules are adhered to and (in some sports) arbitrate on matters arising from the play.

In professional or personal settings, there are no referees. While your HR team is busy promoting teamwork, some may belittle their colleagues, steal ideas, make passive-aggressive wisecracks, and find dozens of other ways to suck the air out of a room.

The good news is that the choices and behaviors of others do not impact us emotionally until we interpret their intentions and assign meaning to them. It can be tempting to try and control others and worry about what they should be doing instead of focusing on ourselves. However, thinking we can control others is an illusion. People are going to do what people are going to do. 

 It is essential to ensure that we do not formulate Manuals for how we think others should behave. It is easy to judge someone's behavior and think they should be likable, respectful, kinder, or more polite. When seeking the best in others, making assumptions or forming a set of beliefs around what their best should be is not helpful. When doing this, we are essentially writing a manual for how the other person should behave. 

As humans, we are all cut from the same cloth. However, this does not mean everyone's values or life choices are the same. There is a wide range of how humans decide to show up.

 Regardless of how others act, we alone are responsible for how we choose to think, feel, and show up. In times like this, having clear boundaries for ourselves and enforcing them comes in handy. 

When I think of changing or judging others, I find Richard Maybury's Two Laws helpful in bringing my focus back into balance. Do all you have agreed to do. Do not encroach on other persons or their property. This change of focus allows me to look to the spark of God in everyone and love them as humans either up close or, if necessary, from afar. Except and allow others to be their own best, and look to be with those who like and celebrate you for who you are. You deserve nothing less.