Blame

Blame is the act of assigning responsibility to someone else.  I want to offer that you can think a behavior is wrong and still not place blame.  Blaming is never necessary because it puts us into a victim mentality- and that is not useful. Instead of blaming others, focus on the simple principle of cause and effect. Why has the problem come your way? What is life teaching you? 

The truth of the matter is sometimes it is easier to avoid the truth about ourselves and instead blame and criticize others. However, when we examine our own lives, we can realize that we are responsible for our thoughts, feelings, actions, and results regardless of life's circumstances. The good news is that you have the power to change whatever you want within your life. Regardless of what the people around you are doing, you get to set the example. With every breath, you get to choose who you are going to be. 

Ask yourself: How do I want to think and feel about what happened?  How can I think about this in a way that drives the action I most want to take? Given the circumstance, who do I want to be? How do I want to show up? 

Sometimes we can know something intellectually but still not make the progress we want in our thinking. This can happen because we need to process the emotions we are creating with our thoughts. Are you dropping into your body and being present with the vibrations? The challenge in staying up in your head to figure out how to change a circumstance is that you risk being stuck in creating more of the same negative feelings.

Processing the emotion in your body will help teach your brain that you can handle these feelings. What would you decide about your situation if you knew that you could experience and support yourself through any feeling? You will get your power back by focusing your thoughts on what you have control over, which is who you want to be in this situation. What might you decide to think that will create the result you most want? 

A quick review on boundaries because they are essential and often come into play: Setting a boundary is not controlling someone. It is a way of allowing people to do what they're going to do (they're going to do it anyway) and making clear the consequence that will happen as a result of certain behavior. The framework of a boundary is “If you do _______, then I will _________.” 

So side-step the blame game. Instead of focusing on fault-finding and blame, shift your attention to the universal law of cause and effect.

If you enjoyed this blog and are interested in taking this work to the next level, I encourage you to reach out to me for a free coaching session at eugenianascimento.clc@gmail.com. where we can take this work to another level.