Boundaries

In the past, I would approach relationships by focusing on the needs of those around me. If the needs of those I loved conflicted with my own needs, I quietly removed myself and my needs from the equation. Now, I’ve learned that removing myself is not an act of generosity or an act of love. It is merely saying that because I don’t trust the other person to respect my boundaries, I should develop a backup plan. 

The concept of boundaries was always a little fuzzy for me until I learned to approach them from a place of love. This approach was a game-changer because it allowed me to connect boundaries to my feelings, thoughts, and decisions. 

It took me time to understand that just because I need to say no to something does not mean I am saying no to the relationship. It is ok if others choose to be hurt or upset; I can love them anyway. Boundaries are a part of self-care; they are healthy and necessary and require more courage than eliminating people from your life or choosing to harbor resentment. 

Boundaries are not about controlling others but promoting self-responsibility and empowerment, making our relationships stronger and healthier. When we dare to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others, we learn that love is stronger than fear, frustration, anger, or even defensiveness. Through love, we are unafraid to be honest about our needs. Learning to set boundaries also helped me clarify where my freedom and responsibility end and where another’s begins. Boundaries enabled me to show empathy and listen without fixing things or needing to make them “right.” More importantly, approaching boundaries with love helps me not do for others what is theirs to do for themselves. I cannot rescue someone from the consequences of their behavior without also taking away their opportunity for growth. 

Clear boundaries enable healthier relationships, increased intimacy, and the ability to be present in the moment for yourself, as well as for your children.  

Boundaries 

Take courage and risks the disappointment of others.

Require the ability to say “No.” 

Require showing up as your best self and holding space for others to do the same

Set limits for takers 

Provide moments of insightfulness

Boundaries Are…

About loving you and me simultaneously

Sustainable, preventative, never self-sacrificing

True kind and necessary

Another way of saying what I want matters

Respectful of the whole 

Always about me 

A yes to you and a yes to me

A way to include me as a part of the whole

A safe wall with a door 

A time and energy saver that separates wants from a needs

Necessary for those who don't want me to create them 

Loving myself