Forgiveness

Growing up, I used to have terrible stomach aches; it wasn’t until I got older that I realized that I got them whenever I was around angry people.  I couldn’t understand why, but I allowed their anger to cut through me like a knife. Changing my perspective on anger has allowed me to have more tolerance, forgiveness, and fewer stomach aches. It has also helped me to forgive. 

In the simplest terms (and in Webster's kids’ dictionary), forgiveness is the act of ending anger.  Knowing how to forgive is a great skill to have, and the only thing it requires is that you stop feeling or ignoring anger toward someone. Sometimes, that someone is yourself.

Anger is a natural and understandable response to being hurt, but it doesn’t serve us to place our focus and attention on anger. We may tell ourselves that our anger is how we punish someone, but no one can experience your feelings but you. We may not want to forgive because that feels like we are excusing someone’s bad behavior. But forgiveness does not provide an excuse for bad or hurtful behavior; it just allows you to be no longer hurt by it. 

You alone are responsible for your thinking. As we have learned, your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions, and your actions create your results. At its core, anger is self-indulgent. It is easy to think we can protect ourselves by thinking negative thoughts about our circumstances, but that only leads to negative feelings. It is within our power to think neutral or even productive thoughts instead.  

Apologies are beautiful gifts, but they are not required to forgive. Forgiveness can happen regardless of whether we receive an apology, and it can happen without the other person’s knowledge. Forgiveness is only about your feelings, not about your behavior. When you forgive and let go, your heart opens to healing and growing. Forgiveness is a gift that you give to yourself. It is a gift that you deserve. If you find you need coaching, I can help. Email me here, and we can set up a time to talk.