Coaching Q & A

Question

When I asked my seven-year-old to clean up his room, he told me, "no, I do not want to." I offer to help, but I usually end up doing it myself. My parents were old school and under threat of significant restrictions, which made me clean my room and do chores every Saturday morning. I remember tears, fear, and not knowing where to start, and I felt very overwhelmed. Most of the time, I just shoved things under the bed and into the closet. I don't want to be strict, but I can't let my son think that his behavior is ok. Please help. I feel powerless and stuck.    

Answer

As parents, our job is to set clear expectations and consequences with our children. It is essential to know where your child is developmentally and that it is normal for kids ages 6-8 to wrestle with finding their independence. Kids at this age are becoming older and more independent while still needing lots of love, attention, and supervision, much like their younger selves were. Knowing your child's developmental needs provides you with the information necessary to create a space where you can have expectations and give consequences while still allowing your child to be who they are. 

I'd also like to offer that it might be helpful to do some self-coaching work to clean up your thinking around why you are choosing to feel powerless and stuck in this situation? What are you making your son saying "no" mean? Are you starting from a place that is grounded in this moment? How would things change if you worked from a place of knowing that everything happens for you and not to you? What can great takeaways from your childhood help you best serve yourself and your child?

If your child tells you "no," it does not mean that you have done something bad as a parent or that something is wrong with your child. Nothing has gone wrong, and as you and your child navigate this situation, you're putting in place new tools to navigate future disagreements. 

The fact that you ask this question tells me that you are a thoughtful and amazing parent. You got this!

Eugenia

I'd love to hear from more of you. If you have a question for a future "Dear Coach", please email me at enasc@wheresonecoaching.com. And if you enjoyed this blog and are interested in taking this work to the next level, I encourage you to go to  eugenianascimento.com to register for my next free webinar.