Imagination

I talked with my two-year-old grandson during one of our daily FaceTime calls, and he asked when I would come to his house to play with him again. I told him I had to work and I would be there soon. I also told him his play was very important, and it was his work. He is used to hearing that the adults in his life are busy “doing work”, and I could hear the happiness in his voice for my recognition of the significance of his activities. Then we talked about all the things we would do when we got together.

When I think about how much he has learned in the past two years, I am amazed. His play is his work. Using his creative imagination, he has transformed from a baby to a toddler and into a little boy. He does it effortlessly and has fun doing it.  

We could all benefit from bringing this kind of joy into our everyday tasks. The next time you are goal-setting or planning your next project, utilize your creative imagination. It is not just child's play.

Imagination 

Curiosity

Inner Action

Limitless

intelligence

Fun

       in the moment

creative

More than knowledge

infinite

Free

playful

Real

Desire, picturing, expecting

love

A New Perspective

Coming back from a recent trip, I realized that my perspective and beliefs on many things had changed. As a visitor to new times and places, I observed, learned, grew, and loved in different ways. I am better for it.

With the summer halfway over and the days getting shorter, I noticed I ended a cycle and began another. It is in times like now that I ask myself, what do I want? What specific result do I want in my life?

As parents, many of us struggle to balance holding space for those we love and simultaneously living out our own dreams and life goals.  We put off our plans until our children are grown and out of the house, or else we find ourselves designing other people's lives (which is an invasion of their space). This can be a convenient distraction away from taking responsibility for ourselves and what we want most.   

Focusing on the needs of others feels useful because many of us learn from a very young age that love means doing things for others. However, this is only true when we don't leave ourselves out of the equation. Too often, we use giving as a way to put off receiving, and we underestimate the power of being an example of what is possible.

After asking yourself what specific result you want in your life, ask what you would have to do to get it. It is not essential to know how to go about it. Just start from where you are and dream, approximate, and dare to be wrong. Use everything you have: your imagination, intuition, logic, cause, and effect to give it your all. Just start and let the motion inform the movement.

What would you need to feel to do those things?  What feelings would fuel your actions?  Put in the highest octane available to you.  What feelings may work for someone else may not work for you. Check-in: if the place you want to go is as good as where you are, why do it? Is it better or is it more about the journey? Both are ok, just like your reasons. What thoughts or feelings are standing between you and where you want to be?  Know that if no thoughts or feelings were standing between you and where you want to be, you would already be there.

Finally, what beliefs could you fuel your actions? There may be ups and downs, or times when you want to give up and stop trying.  Well-meaning or not-so-well-meaning people may tell you you are running against the wind, going the wrong direction.  People you love may have a hard time accepting the beliefs that you have for yourself. There may be times when the funds are low, and the debts are high, or you may sail through three-quarters of the way only to walk into a wall figuratively or literally.  Are your current thoughts supporting your goals?

To share your thoughts you can reach me at me@eugenianascimento.com. I would love to hear from you.

Family

Family

This week I traveled across the country to be with family and friends.  I felt myself begin to feel and heal as I reconnected with those with whom I hold strong bonds of love.  To be our best selves, it is essential to honor and nurture our relationships and who we are not just as parents, but also as daughters, sons, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, cousins, husbands.

Family and Friends

With no regard to time

love waited for a break in my silence 

and for me to wake 

Never lead astray, 

you directed me to

an open window 

from my heart to yours

In gratitude

I choose an unbreakable bond, 

With those who help my being

to discover

the balance of holding, 

letting go 

and love.

If you cannot be with those you love physically, know that there is more than enough love for all to find and take and share. 

Holding Space

HOLDING SPACE

Holding Space

When your child crosses boundaries or breaks the rules, you may become frustrated or show up as an angry parent. Holding space is a way to balance your child's individual expression and agency with the causes and effects of everyday life.

First, it's helpful to define the difference between a "boundary" and a "rule." 

Boundaries are a way to take care of yourself, not to control other people. They follow the formula: "If you X, then I will Y." Boundaries tell other people what you will do if the boundary is not respected; They do not tell people what they should do. Boundaries may sound like "I will not talk to you until you lower your voice." Or, "if you argue at the table, I will leave."

Because we are responsible for our children's safety and teaching them how to care for themselves in this world, we put rules into place. Rules are designed to regulate behavior. They tell our children how they should act, and they are enforceable. Rules are "you must brush your teeth" or "no swimming in the pool without a lifeguard."

Boundaries are all about power over your own decisions. Rules are about power over your child's decisions. Holding space is about showing up as your highest self and utilizing the power of love.

To hold space:

1. Start by cleaning up your thinking and loving yourself, warts and all, regardless of your thoughts about your child's experience. Feel what you need to feel and allow yourself space to be.

2. Gently move forward in love as your highest self.

3. See your child as they indeed are, whole and complete.

4. Just listen

Holding space is powerful in a way that is different from setting boundaries or enforcing rules. Remember to follow through on consequences with love, being careful not to tie your emotional wellbeing to the children's behavior.

When you hold an unconditional space where thoughts and emotions can be examined, unraveled, and understood, your child gets to "act out" their negative feelings in a clean space, with the help of a parent who sees them as whole, and beautiful. 

Try these two concepts out and let me know your experience. You can reach me at me@eugenianascimento.com.

Confidence

Confidence

All too often, we have well-meaning people telling us how we should behave as parents. Inlaws, friends, spouses, mates, our children, the list goes on. Sometimes we allow this to cause confusion in our lives, leaving us lacking in confidence. This week's blog is a look at what confidence is and how you can gain it. Everybody has an area of genius they work from. Your job is to uncover yours and then fulfill it.

Self-confidence, unlike arrogance, comes from only needing your own approval. Start by being yourself, showing up like you are supposed to be here, and knowing that strength and confidence come from within. Acknowledge the things you love about yourself, not just the parts you think need improving. Allow yourself to feel beautiful without needing someone to tell you you are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody, and there is no need to act small. You cannot fail at being yourself.

Have your own back. Know that what others think about you is 100% about them—no need to be offended. Let people judge you. Let them be wrong about you, and don't live in fear. Worry is an indulgent emotion. More importantly, what are you making your worry mean? Be willing to feel your feelings a little (maybe a lot). Trust yourself and know that you can experience and survive any emotion, even failure.

Do the things you are afraid to do, then do them again. Make decisions and honor them. Learn by doing, and if you don't know something, learn by taking action to find out how. Consider creating an accomplishment log. List both the little and big things that you have accomplished, and acknowledge everything you've done that you once hadn't or couldn't do.

Don't compare yourself to others. Stand tall, open your chest, breathe like you mean it. Memorize what courage feels like in your body. Be you. No one in the world can be awesome in the same way as you. You are the perfect parent for your child, and your child is the perfect child for you.

Taking Action

Taking Action

Massive action is the action we take and continue taking until we reach our goal.  Massive action is when we keep our sights on the goal and see failure as an opportunity to continue tweaking or try in a different way.

Passive action is all of the things that we do in preparation for action. Study courses, listening, practicing, reading, etc.  All of these things feel like action, but in fact, they keep us from reaching our goal. They don't get us the results that we are after. 

Passive action is about consumption, and Massive action is about creating. It doesn't matter what your goal is. It is more about who you become on your way to accomplishing it. Are you willing to feel uncomfortable and keep taking action anyway?

Don’t Quit

When Things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and debts are high,

And you want to Smile but have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must, but do not quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out,

Don't give up though the pace seems slow,

You might succeed with another blow.

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor's cup.

And he learned too late when the night slipped down,

How close he was to the golden crown,

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems so far,

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

                                                                  by Edgar A. Gust

Self Care

"Never give from the depths of your well, but from your overflow."

Rumi

I fell off my bike a few weeks ago. I jumped on my bike out of frustration when I realized that I had not created opportunities to ride in my schedule. Short on time, I took a shortcut on a dirt path home. My back wheel did not clear a tree root, and I fell. The ground was soft, but I still managed to bruise a few ribs and knock the wind out of myself.  Remembering this feeling from a childhood experience, I did not struggle to regain my breath. I relaxed, slowly letting my breath return, and then got back on my bike and continued home.  

Sometimes, as parents, we stretch ourselves too far, make an impulsive decision, find ourselves frustrated, or show up as the yelling parent. When we give ourselves time to breathe and instead make a plan that includes self-care and meeting our own needs, we can show up as our best selves for our loved ones and ourselves as well.

Giving love when your own well of love is empty is like expecting two half-full glasses to fill each other.  The only way one glass is full is if the other is empty, and in the long run, it never turns out well.  It is best to take care of your personal needs physically, emotionally, and mentally. 

My children's nursery teacher would always tell parents of children who refuse to share classroom materials that children share when they have had enough and are ready. As children, we instinctively know that sharing and loving come from an honest place, a place of overflow.  

Truth and love go together.  Self-care is incompatible with poor planning or telling people what they want to hear instead of living in your truth. Inside, you lose yourself as well as the experience of what it means to love someone unconditionally. Unconditionally loving someone is telling them the truth and then loving them anyway regardless of their reaction. 

Know that there is an unlimited supply of love. It's yours for the taking.

Making Good Choices

Making Good Choices

It's easy to look around at your problems and have no idea where they came from. Sometimes, they are a result of the choices that we make. But how do we practice making good choices, and how do we teach each other to do the same?

Other than respecting the laws of society, exercising sound judgment is less about choosing between wrong and right and more about seeing the starting point, our circumstances, as neutral. Each choice is a path to a different set of consequences and results.

Start by getting to know yourself. Look at your weaknesses and your strengths. What is it that you need? What choice will help you untangle your knots? Good judgment takes into account what is good for the whole and includes yourself in the equation. Leaving yourself out only makes more for you to go back and clean up later.

Good judgment also takes into account timing. If it is the right choice at the wrong time, it may not indeed be the right choice. So take it all into consideration. And if you find yourself feeling like you did not make the right choice, start by accepting the choice you made and the circumstances that led to your making it. Then pause, step back and say, "I will learn to do things another way," and fall back on your creativity to find your next choice.

Exploring this process might be helpful as you teach your children to make their own best choices "in the moment." Know that the answers are always available to you as well as to them.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

RESPECT

How do you earn it?

Walk the talk.

Be mindful of your child's developmental needs.

Give 

Space, 

Responsibility and Respect. 

To be who they are

To share what they choose

To make their own choices

To learn from their mistakes

Let them 

Attend to their personal needs 

Have faith 

That they will rise to the occasion 

Figure out the answers to life's questions.

And meet life's challenges.

.

Then not only will your child grow, but so will you. 

Choice

Somewhere I picked up the phrase, "I am old enough not to let my wants hurt me." Understanding and taking responsibility for life's choices is an essential part of learning about self-discipline.

A child who can consciously make choices will understand their own needs, gain a sense of control over their life and begin to learn internal discipline, organization, and prioritizing.

Children learn how to make meaningful choices by watching you model how to step away from harmful cravings or how to take a deep breath of peace and patience in response to unexpected anger. We can teach them how to listen without losing themselves, see their mistakes honestly, make amends, or start afresh.

It is helpful to give children options within the boundaries of what you consider appropriate and acceptable. If they are young," either/or" works well, or multiple options if they are older. Making good choices takes practice, so start early with the small choices.

Think through the options that you give your child. Of course, presenting an option if you aren't willing to follow through could backfire, but choices involving behavior are an excellent opportunity to point out a possible choice and its consequences. You can also help older children to use choices to learn how to prioritize.

Once a child chooses, don't continue to offer choices. A choice is a decision and should be respected. Part of choosing is living with the ramifications of that choice, and part of the lesson is learning to live with the choice made.

Children are independent while also being dependent on your actions, attention, and love. So help them make good choices while they sort out their wants, dreams, and desires.

Family

There are many ways to define family. Family consists of the people who support and love you and the people you can confide in and trust.   

Being a parent has been the most rewarding and challenging experience of my life.  Being a Mom and wanting to do what was right for everyone, including myself, required more of me than anything I have done before or since. 

As parents, we set limits with consequences for our children. It is our job to teach them about the world's ways, starting with people around them. I tried to find the balance between saying yes as much as possible and teaching my children the responsibilities that accompany the freedoms that they were pushing for.  Sometimes I got it right, and sometimes I didn't, but I did the best I could at the time.

I found that rather than thinking in fragments, to step back and look at the situation. Ask what is good for all involved. The part that was the most challenging was to remember to include myself as part of the whole. Looking back,  this was more easily done when I came to the table from a clean place, which means not dragging with me old beliefs, unresolved issues of my past, my childhood, or the stresses of the day. Doing so helped me not show up in a more balanced, grounded, couscous way. 

So when you feel frustrated, disconnected, or like the yelling parent, think from the whole instead of the parts. Do your own work and look for ways that unite your Family in love.

Family 

Does not need to be perfect

last names may or may not match

no two people are the same

Familiar lessons 

reflections of self 

impartial eyes   

Each individual is its strength

united in heart and diversity

with a oneness of purpose

Step back, take a look

work at it consciously

be wholly within it

Not fragmented parts

with love

grow, learn and enjoy

Progression

Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love.

Rumi

My Father was an orphan, spent twenty years in the military, and after retirement, he realized his childhood dream and became a history teacher for teens at risk.

I learned my lessons as I watched life teach him. Life is very economical that way. I learned that it was not the job of others to do what I expected to make me feel better. I knew that having the right to do things my way meant that others had the privilege to meet life on their terms as well.

I learned that the ability to love someone unconditionally means you love and accept them even when you believe their choices are not the right ones. In my own life as a parent, stepparent, single parent, and now grandparent, I choose love for the sake of feeling and experiencing love. The more I learned to include myself while loving others, the better I get at loving everybody else.

Loving someone does not mean that we have the right to control them or get them to listen to what we think is essential. On the same token, loving others should not come at the expense of loving yourself. Nor does it mean that I should shoulder the effects of the choices of others. I can if I like, but the choice is always mine. I have to like my reasons for doing so.

Loving unconditionally does not mean unconditionally approving others’ behavior. It just means that when you think about that particular person, you feel love. You can choose to love someone while also choosing never to see them again. Setting boundaries is an act of love.

Although sometimes it is easier to play the victim and blame others, my Father accepted the cards that life dealt out and “faced the music” that came with them. With strength and dignity, he put his best foot forward, met the moment, and did what was required.

Life requires of us that no matter how far we come, we can always go further. We are either going forward or backward, always in motion. Throughout the many steps of this process, we learn more about love, how to give and how to receive it. Each person chooses their course, beliefs, direction, and pace. As long as we are here, life will use every moment every opportunity to teach us more.

So regardless of your age or circumstances, open your heart in acceptance of unknown blessings and invite new possibilities. Look for how life will lead you forward. Be hungry to take your next step.

In Plain Sight

In Plain Sight

Transformation is changing from one way of thinking to another.  This poem is about a young woman’s journey, searching for her voice and who she wanted to be. She wrote this letter to herself. She wrote this letter from her future self to herself now. 

Your future self is you five minutes from now, tomorrow, five years from now, ten years from now, thirty years from now.  

Imagine your future self as someone who knows more, is more experienced, has more wisdom, and has practiced more.

I invite your future self to write a letter to yourself now. What would you say? Take your time. Think about how you treat yourself, how you talk to yourself, and how you think about yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most important in your life. 

In Plain Sight

I was taught to be strong

Grin and bear it, move it along

Now pull it together

 Be present in silence

Drink Water,  Be Strong, and  Drive On        

Shake it off, let it go

Don’t indulge in fears. You’ve got to be strong 

Silently Shoulder    

The good and the bad. No help to be had

Matters not what it all means      

She’s avoiding what she dreams

She carefully safeguards

Grounded into the past                                                      

Indifferent,  it all seems the same

She’s  beautiful as she tries 

I see her behind her brown eyes  

A  search starting deep inside                      

She loves hard, honest and true

Not a victim, she’d rather be wise  

We paused. I asked her how?   

 Did she heal? She nodded as if to bow  

Then she looked into my eyes  

She told me, I opened my heart

Detached and  apart      

Reconnected and aligned       

I begin to slowly lean in 

I held space for my  tears      

Whenever I got choked by my fear 

I shift and felt love near   

I look for my opening   

I choose to go    

True to my heart and imagination

A  connection where I am just me     

Open space, Where I can be  me 

Eternally I am free

Not afraid or hiding

limitless ways to be me                         

For fear has to take flight  

Love enters my heart as a bright light   

redefined my reasons for living

Open heart giving

Not a victim of living

Grateful for life and forgiving

I know love is the answer, always been and will always be

embracing life, I started living

If you enjoyed this blog and are interested in taking this work to the next level, I encourage you to reach out to me for a free coaching session at eugenianascimento.clc@gmail.com, where we can take this work to another level.

An Adventure

An Adventure

Parenting (including co-parenting, step-parenting, single parenting, foster-parenting, grandparenting…) requires us to develop and draw on our sense of humor and our creativity. We can find solutions that may never have occurred to us before, which brings fun and adventure into life. By being anchored in love, going one step beyond yourself, and working with your resources, you become tempered to the art of life, which opens us to finding our rhythm and connecting with our best selves. 

“A lion that hunts for survival in the jungle does not envy the one being fed in a zoo.”

                                                                                                                -Rumi

Take care of yourself 

Earn your own way 

Keep growing

Keep learning

Know that Things Change

Give with love and goodwill 

Accept help with grace

Repay your debts

Know Love brings all things

Through Where’s One Coaching, I teach you why the strength we have as parents is in how we love, how we accept, and how we show up. Want to gain insight into your parenting skills? I’d love to work with you.   Click here to learn more.

-Eugenia Nascimento

In the Pocket

In the Pocket

This week, I watched my grandson play his favorite game. It involves some running, jumping off the couch, and sticking his landing. His parents refer to it as Parkour, in reference to a (significantly more extreme) internet trend of several years ago.  

He is only two and has been practicing and mastering his technique for over half of his life.  He loves to test his physical and mental abilities. He has even taken to breaking down his process in slow motion using his mother's camera in her phone.  He approaches his game with an inner rhythm, a knowing grin, and never-tiring excitement and curiosity.    

As he plans each jump,he does not worry that what he wants to achieve is beyond his current abilities. He innately understands the process of dreaming and thinks about his goal in the present moment. 

Whatever fear he may feel as he approaches his leap will not deter him from his belief in himself and his ability to stick his landing. Not trying is not an option. Every attempt is made from a place of confidence and knowing that he has already met his goal.  He has seen it. The perfect landing is inevitable, creating a sweet spot that makes it all worth it. 

The joy I see on his face when he is racing, jumping, and shouting “Parkour!” is priceless and inspirational. As a mother and grandmother, I feel gratitude that my daughter and son-in-law are an example of what is possible and have created an environment where my grandson feels safe pushing new boundaries, exploring, and challenging himself. 

As a coach, I am reminded that each of us is striving continually to manifest more life; we are all already enough and seeking to carry out our purpose.  In each of us is the seed of all that is ever to take place in our life. It is up to us to choose which seeds we water.

If you enjoyed this blog and are interested in taking this work to the next level, I encourage you to reach out to me for a free webinar at eugenianascimento.com, where we can take this work to another level.

Coaching Q & A

Question

When I asked my seven-year-old to clean up his room, he told me, "no, I do not want to." I offer to help, but I usually end up doing it myself. My parents were old school and under threat of significant restrictions, which made me clean my room and do chores every Saturday morning. I remember tears, fear, and not knowing where to start, and I felt very overwhelmed. Most of the time, I just shoved things under the bed and into the closet. I don't want to be strict, but I can't let my son think that his behavior is ok. Please help. I feel powerless and stuck.    

Answer

As parents, our job is to set clear expectations and consequences with our children. It is essential to know where your child is developmentally and that it is normal for kids ages 6-8 to wrestle with finding their independence. Kids at this age are becoming older and more independent while still needing lots of love, attention, and supervision, much like their younger selves were. Knowing your child's developmental needs provides you with the information necessary to create a space where you can have expectations and give consequences while still allowing your child to be who they are. 

I'd also like to offer that it might be helpful to do some self-coaching work to clean up your thinking around why you are choosing to feel powerless and stuck in this situation? What are you making your son saying "no" mean? Are you starting from a place that is grounded in this moment? How would things change if you worked from a place of knowing that everything happens for you and not to you? What can great takeaways from your childhood help you best serve yourself and your child?

If your child tells you "no," it does not mean that you have done something bad as a parent or that something is wrong with your child. Nothing has gone wrong, and as you and your child navigate this situation, you're putting in place new tools to navigate future disagreements. 

The fact that you ask this question tells me that you are a thoughtful and amazing parent. You got this!

Eugenia

I'd love to hear from more of you. If you have a question for a future "Dear Coach", please email me at enasc@wheresonecoaching.com. And if you enjoyed this blog and are interested in taking this work to the next level, I encourage you to go to  eugenianascimento.com to register for my next free webinar. 

Past and Future Focus

Past and Future Focus

“I can imagine. Therefore, I can do more.”

                                            Harold Klemp

How do we move from being stuck in the past to becoming present in the moment?

When we define ourselves and our future abilities by our past experiences, we often limit ourselves and become discouraged. There is an alternative approach. Rather than arguing with the past or wishing it was different, look at your past as lessons and preparation. Instead of wasting your emotional energy, take that energy and focus on the present, something you can affect. Because the dreams you dream today will become your tomorrow.

Here are my six big take-a-ways I had this week while living the topic.  

Broken Dreams

Dreams do not break

they help you 

dream better 

Now let’s move on

Figuring it out

Make a choice

Follow-through

Rinse and repeat

Where’s One?!

Move to your inner rhythm 

If you are rushing to get somewhere

You could end up being nowhere

Frozen

No matter how hard 

it is to feel

It may be the better choice

Love

Love

Asks for help 

Provides help 

Receives help 

A Question

If my mind is an amazing tool 

Not to be wasted

For which

I gratefully, 

lovingly and 

knowingly 

hold space.

What is

the thinker of my thoughts

the master of my mind

the generator, 

motivator and 

the originator of my dreams?

If you enjoyed this blog and are interested in taking this work to the next level, I encourage you to REGISTER HERE  for next my free webinar to take this work to another level.

Impossible Goals

Impossible Goals

My life has been filled with impossible goals. As I look forward, I realize I am both living and dreaming them today. When I was a young teen, I had a poster hanging over my bed. It was a picture of a classical ballet dancer in an attitude position where the dancer is standing on one leg with the other lifted to the back (derrière). The leg in the air is bent at the knee to form roughly a 145-degree angle. Underneath the picture were the words "If you can dream it, you can become it." 

I loved this picture even though it seemed impossible for me ever to become a serious dancer. I had ballet classes as a child and competed as a gymnast in middle and high school, and I even earned a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, but for whatever reason, this poster represented the impossible to me. However, I kept the words underneath the picture safe in my heart.

My plans (grounded in what I felt was a more realistic approach to life) included going into nursing school. I enjoyed helping people, and I spent most of my summers as a candy striper helping out in military hospitals, so it seemed like the most sensible thing to do. I continued to take dance classes just for the love of it. 

A few months later, I went to an interview for a registered nursing program; an insightful educator closed the discussion by saying she would not accept me into the program this year. If I came back the following year, she would have a spot for me. I was shocked, and I couldn't understand why she would say that to me when I was doing a sensible thing. However, I also realized that she was right - I didn't want to commit to nursing yet. 

Later that night, in my room, I realized that dance was a celebration of life, a structure or language where I could communicate most fully. Dance wasn't something I wanted to be. It was who I was. I thought of dance as preventive medicine, an effective way to help people experience a connection to the beauty that surrounds us all. I looked up at my dance poster and knew it was time to go all-in with myself and go for my dream.  

This time I went big. I auditioned for my top choice college. After my audition was over, the interviewer told me that if I worked hard and trained for the next year, they would have a spot for me. Rather than looking at needing an additional year of training as a barrier, I took on the challenge. Within a year, I auditioned for three more colleges and got accepted into all of them. I chose my original first choice, and I was then in the program that prepared me to move to New York and begin my dance career.  

Success is not always the best option, and failure is not a bad thing. When you want something with your heart, failure just means there is work to do. The worst thing is not to try. 

By reaching for success, you get to feel the feeling of achieving your goal in the moment. You get to enjoy it ahead of time. It is worth going for it even if you miss it. The person I became in the year before I went to my dream school was well worth the effort, even if I didn't end up going that first year.  

Having fun is an important part of the transformation. Love the process, be in the process, and be worthy of the goal. No matter how you try, you can't stress your way to freedom. If you feel stressed, it might be a clue that you need to tweak your direction.

As parents, it is essential to balance the responsibilities of parenting while embracing our own impossible dreams. Be an example for your kids in whatever way that you can, and show your children that impossible dreams are worth having and are possible. Impossible dreams are our special gift, not just to ourselves but to the world. Our gifts are unique to us, and only we can deliver. 

So if your child's dreams seem impractical or foreign to you, know that a beautiful way to prepare them and to hold space for them is to let them see you living your impossible dreams.

Good questions to ask yourself 

What is stopping you from reaching your dreams?

Am I living my dreams or recycling my past?

Do I think it is impossible just because I haven't done it before?

Is it possible to believe something I don't believe yet?

Am I buffering and not creating new possibilities in my life?

If you enjoyed this blog and are interested in taking this work to the next level, I encourage you to reach out to me for a free webinar at eugenianascimento.com, where we can take this work to another level.

Blame

Blame

Blame is the act of assigning responsibility to someone else.  I want to offer that you can think a behavior is wrong and still not place blame.  Blaming is never necessary because it puts us into a victim mentality- and that is not useful. Instead of blaming others, focus on the simple principle of cause and effect. Why has the problem come your way? What is life teaching you? 

The truth of the matter is sometimes it is easier to avoid the truth about ourselves and instead blame and criticize others. However, when we examine our own lives, we can realize that we are responsible for our thoughts, feelings, actions, and results regardless of life's circumstances. The good news is that you have the power to change whatever you want within your life. Regardless of what the people around you are doing, you get to set the example. With every breath, you get to choose who you are going to be. 

Ask yourself: How do I want to think and feel about what happened?  How can I think about this in a way that drives the action I most want to take? Given the circumstance, who do I want to be? How do I want to show up? 

Sometimes we can know something intellectually but still not make the progress we want in our thinking. This can happen because we need to process the emotions we are creating with our thoughts. Are you dropping into your body and being present with the vibrations? The challenge in staying up in your head to figure out how to change a circumstance is that you risk being stuck in creating more of the same negative feelings.

Processing the emotion in your body will help teach your brain that you can handle these feelings. What would you decide about your situation if you knew that you could experience and support yourself through any feeling? You will get your power back by focusing your thoughts on what you have control over, which is who you want to be in this situation. What might you decide to think that will create the result you most want? 

A quick review on boundaries because they are essential and often come into play: Setting a boundary is not controlling someone. It is a way of allowing people to do what they're going to do (they're going to do it anyway) and making clear the consequence that will happen as a result of certain behavior. The framework of a boundary is “If you do _______, then I will _________.” 

So side-step the blame game. Instead of focusing on fault-finding and blame, shift your attention to the universal law of cause and effect.

If you enjoyed this blog and are interested in taking this work to the next level, I encourage you to reach out to me for a free coaching session at eugenianascimento.clc@gmail.com. where we can take this work to another level.

Stillness

The quieter you become the more you are able to hear -Rumi

When I was 4 or 5 years old, I was very quiet.  I was so quiet that my parents wanted to take me to a specialist to figure out why I wouldn’t talk.  Some said I was shy, but I never thought of myself as shy.  For me, being quiet was a choice. I chose to be quiet because I instinctively knew I could not improve on silence. That listening was a form of love not only for myself but for others. I could learn more by listening than by talking.  

I am no longer that quiet child. I have learned the value of sharing my story,  but I also know that my initial instincts were not wrong, and for me, the gift is in my use of discretion.  With that, I share this short poem inspired by the words of the great poet Rumi.

Stillness

Dance is born in stillness

Music is born in silence

Sometimes stillness is the best movement

Sometimes silence is the best music

Be quiet to hear

Be still to dance

Sometimes the most you can do to help is to listen

Sometimes the most you can do to help is to hold space.

And that is enough