BLOG
Circumstances
I know this to be true.
no change of circumstances can repair a defect of character.
happiness is in the heart, not in the circumstances.
peace is within and unaffected by outer circumstances
happiness is always available
our focus affects our circumstances
like the seasons of life circumstances change
life circumstances do not define us. We rise above them.
love is - people and circumstances change
we are a product of our decisions
If love is in everything, then love is also in our circumstances
so…
If we choose life, circumstances can soften us, make us kinder, and open to what frightens us.
be willing to improve yourself, not anxious to improve your circumstances
bravely say goodbye to say hello
focus on the lesson, to grow
start from where you are
imagine something better, then create it.
accept now to see what’s possible
do your best; for now, keep trying
take personal responsibility
let how you move through your circumstances reveal who you are
constantly commit to love regardless
find or make the circumstances you want
be aware, be present, knowing life circumstances are outside your control
strive to accept, deal, not complain, give your best, and not take circumstances personally
let your disposition determine your happiness
become more extraordinary because of and despite life’s circumstances
forgiveness of circumstances feels sorrow over rage and has nothing left to say
A Universal Language
My coach challenged me to slow down my process and explore my models differently. She suggested I take some time to examine my thoughts and consider how I arrived at them and where they take me when they come up. Below are my reflections on that exercise.
I think of Cause and Effect as another name for Love. It purifies by holding us accountable for our thoughts and deeds. An awareness of this helps me make the best decisions in any situation.
A Universal Language
Life does not happen to you. It happens for you.
Life speaks to you
for your benefit
through hunches
dreams,
waking,
sleeping,
And daydreams.
Freely
Available to all
Regardless
Of life’s circumstances
Then not unlike a tuning fork
I Tune to my True Spiritual Nature
and to a greater love that always is
Join Me
Last week I invited the readers of this blog to join me for an introductory coaching session. With the positive response it received, I would like to extend a personal invitation to a repeat free thirty-minute small group coaching session on Friday, September 23rd at 8:00 EDT, as an opportunity for you to learn about coaching and experience what it is like to be coached. All are welcome to attend, and in this format, you may participate in the session or attend and observe anonymously. Either way, there is much to experience.
As a coach, I take my life's experience and focus on helping clients clarify their goals by targeting their unique skills and gifts, helping them make the most of their strengths, by providing the support to achieve lasting change.
I help my clients remember to see themselves as beautiful and perfect, which is to say that I help them see themselves as they are. By being who we are, we offer our best to the world. Doing this requires the courage to face ourselves, feel our feelings, and examine our thoughts.
As a coach, I encourage my clients to be present in the nowness of now - to breathe deeply and know that there are no mistakes. To see their circumstances as neutral rather than negative and, despite their opinions, feelings, thoughts, and perspectives, know that although we may not always be able to control what happens in our lives. We can always control our thoughts about our circumstances and how we choose to respond.
I would love to coach you. If you want to learn more about Coaching, join me this Friday, September 23rd, at 8:00 EDT, for a free thirty-minute small group coaching session. This free thirty-minute small group coaching session allows you to ask questions about coaching, observe the coaching process, or experience being coached.
Please also feel free to contact me directly at en@eugenianascimento.com. I'm looking forward to meeting you!
An Invitation
When people in my day-to-day life learn that I am a Life Coach, they often follow by asking what that means and what a Life Coach is and does. I would like to extend a personal invitation to a free thirty-minute small group coaching session on Thursday, September 15th at 8:00 EDT, as an opportunity for you to ask questions about coaching and experience what it is like to be coached.
A Life Coach is a wellness professional who helps people progress and gain greater fulfillment through improvements to their relationships, careers, and day-to-day lives.
I have a Master's of Science in Special Education, have worked in Education for over thirty years, and am a certified Life Coach. I take my life's experience and focus on helping my clients clarify their goals, identify the obstacles holding them back, and develop strategies for overcoming each obstacle. In creating these strategies, I target their unique skills and gifts. By helping them make the most of their strengths, I provide the support they need to achieve lasting change.
I help my clients remember to see themselves as whole, beautiful and perfect, which is to say that I help them see themselves as they are. By being who we are, we offer our best to the world. Doing this requires the courage to face ourselves, feel our feelings, and examine our thoughts.
A life coach is not a licensed therapist. As professionals, our roles are distinct and serve unique purposes. Therapists are licensed to treat mental health conditions, such as feelings of hopelessness, difficulty concentrating, sleep disruption, mood disturbance, and much more. A Life Coach cannot treat mental health conditions and is not licensed or regulated by the state or government.
Life Coaches come from diverse social and academic backgrounds, and each Life Coach may have their own philosophy about or approach to coaching. As a coach, I encourage my clients to be present in the nowness of now - to breathe deeply and know that there are no mistakes. To see their circumstances as neutral rather than negative and, despite their opinions, feelings, thoughts, and perspectives, know that although we may not always be able to control what happens in our lives. We can always control our thoughts about our circumstances and how we choose to respond.
If you would like to learn more about the role of a Life Coach, I invite you to join me this Thursday, September 15th, at 8:00 EDT, for a free thirty-minute small group coaching session. This free thirty-minute small group coaching session is an opportunity for you to ask questions about coaching and experience being coached.
Please also feel free to contact me directly at en@eugenianascimento.com. I'm looking forward to hearing from you!
Know Your Process
If you look around you, there is a structure, design, architecture, arrangement, formation, or framework to everything.
I went camping this weekend and visited with family. I enjoyed watching as two of them, a pre-teen girl and her brother, a teenager, expressed themselves in ways that were comfortable for them. They had very different but complementary approaches, but both of them knew how to keep going until they found the words that felt right and communicated what they were thinking or feeling.
Each of us must learn how to explore, dream, discover, and communicate in the ways that best suit us. Knowing yourself and being aware of your own process helps create a safe, familiar space to move through. You can use this structure in everything you love to do with a few tweaks.
When I choreograph a piece, initially, it is born through inner feelings in want of expression. As I embark on my journey, I let the movement out in its rawest form. Then without judgment, I hold space in my heart for the true, kind, and necessary parts that remain. With thoughts of someone, something, or a place I love, I communicate the story utilizing the tools at my disposal. Sometimes the piece comes out as improvisation, a well-practiced choreographed composition, or a combination of the two.
As I open my heart to the gifts within it, I listen, feel, make a choice, commit, and lean into the journey. Then, I tighten up the loose edges, and with no agenda, I share my story.
To do this effectively, I must first allow myself to move through and past the constraint of my thoughts, into the highest parts of myself, and beyond that.
This is my process. The approach may vary slightly, but the process remains the same.
Each of us has our own process. However meticulously structured, messy, unstructured, or free-ranged yours is, honor it as yours. It may not make sense, or it may frustrate anyone watching. That is okay.
They are witnessing only one moment in time while you hold in your heart your entire journey. Stick with it, do the best you can, be the best you can, stay curious, and know that you will figure it out.
Simple Gifts
Simple Gifts
Parents, here are a few simple sentences or gifts to contemplate and should you choose to share with your children.
You are deeply loved.
You are enough.
Your purpose is the life you are living now.
The world longs for what you have to offer.
These simple thoughts can offer a different perspective on your life and your mind.
Balance
I have had an amazing summer, much of it spent with family and watching my three-year-old grandson zoom around on his balance bike. Whenever he would begin to lose his balance and fall, he would simply put his foot down. It was wonderful to watch his ever-increasing confidence and control in learning the new skill of riding his new bike.
During times of growth, it is easy to feel as though we have lost our balance. In these moments, we may forget that we can have many emotions going on at the same time. We tell ourselves that if "A" is true, then it is not possible for "B" also to be correct.
In reality, the miracle is that two things can exist at the same time. We are human beings living in a world of duality.
It is essential for us to honor all of who we are: the parts that we find attractive, but also the parts that we want to pretend do not exist. Being present means accepting things as they are in the moment and opening our hearts to what truly is.
As humans, we can be complex and simple, complicated and straightforward, consistent, yet often contradictory. The gift of being human is choosing who we want to be and where to place our attention. If we are willing to open our hearts, we can learn from all of it.
Circumstances are neutral until you decide what you want to think about them. Thought drives our feelings, feelings, and actions drive our results. We serve ourselves when we are willing to question old beliefs that do not hold up to this present moment.
Embracing Change
Embracing Change
As adults, sometimes we see change through growth as optional. However, as our children grow, change is inevitable. How we choose to handle change impacts how we show up in every aspect of our lives. Embracing change can help you accomplish your impossible goal, move more quickly through self-limiting behavior, and help stay on track throughout unpredictable times.
The way we choose to view change is critical. Any change, expected or unexpected, is often accompanied by discomfort, an unsure or nervous feeling, or anxiety. These feelings are indications of a problem in need of solving and a lesson in need of learning.
Consider changing your relationship with change. Be resilient and declutter thought chatter as you heal. Or, develop a Plan B and even a Plan C if necessary to help you feel assured that the change is manageable. Spend time identifying how the change benefits you, and what you can learn from it.
Leaning into the discomfort associated with change reminds us that by doing so, we are choosing to move forward rather than remaining stuck in the past and regretting other outcomes that did not come to fruition. I would like to offer that although we may not be able to change our past, we can change our thoughts about what we make our past mean. Change is inevitable in life, so let's embrace it and move through it with grace.
Hunches
This week I was thinking about hunches and how I developed the ability to follow them. In a word, it was my Mom, Roselee M. Kye, who taught me to trust my inner knowingness. She showed me this, as she did most things, by example, through her adventurous spirit, and with just the right amount of indirect instruction. So thank you, Mom, for your love, trust, inspiration, and holding space for me to learn to follow my hunches.
Hunches
a knowingness
an inner feeling
more important than knowledge
unexplainable by fact or thought
unlimited
not linear or logical
connects to a logical structure
pieces of a dream
unmanifested thought
a guiding hand of love
a sacred gift
eternal dreamer
an awareness of what doesn't feel quite right
a guidance tool
a hunch
not to be questioned
Just feel
a wordless voice
Just listen
Know Your Why
I posted this blog Mach of 2020, So much has changed, but the message is the same.
I am writing today's blog from my New York City apartment. City residents have been ordered to stay at home to stop the spread of COVID-19.
Nonetheless, as I look out my window, I see trees reaching up to the blue sky, and my terrace garden shows traces of last year's kale beginning to come up. Nature shows the promise of a beautiful spring.
I have practiced social distancing, buying in bulk, to exercise in my home. I stay connected with family, friends, and colleagues via zoom, facetime, google, phone conferences, email, and text. I spend my time working from home, playing my bass guitar, petting my cats, hanging blinds in my windows, and, most importantly, spending time in quiet contemplation.
As the situation intensifies and the news becomes louder, I have unexamined past thoughts coming to the surface; thoughts I have put away for another day are resurfacing to be examined. To me, this is a good sign that I am beginning to feel overwhelmed and need to rediscover my "why,"
As humans, we need not only to identify our deepest desire but also to know that we can achieve it. By doing both, we are more able to overcome obstacles that are before us. We all have a deep need to connect, to love, to be loved, and to be ourselves. We all want to make an impact and a contribution. But it can be overwhelming to navigate all of these needs at once.
It is easy to think that to serve and care for others, we have to place ourselves on the back burner. In times of chaos, or when we act out of fear, it is natural to want to spring into action immediately. However, service from a place of fear is neither helpful nor sustainable.
We get to decide who we are and how we will show up, and your "why" is your superpower; it is yours alone. No one else's "why" is more important, better, or worse than yours. What matters is that it comes from the deepest part of your being. It is less important that you know how to achieve or fulfill your "why" and, more important, that you plant your feet firmly on the path of now and begin from wherever you are. Spend time dreaming, contemplating, and nurturing your "why." Every day, do one thing that will bring you closer to it.
If you feel overwhelmed, create a moment of stillness for yourself to rest your mind and listen. Like the trees outside of my window, trust in that which roots you to the ground. Love of self is the strongest anchor.
Love is Always the Best Option
When I feel like I am in new territory, inexperienced, or unsure how to proceed,
I open and align my heart to the highest love I know and use my resources to the fullest. I have learned to trust that the results will be the best I can do.
To some, this may seem like an indirect or confusing way to get from point A to point B. However, I see it as a path tailored to me in all my uniqueness—a process designed from love, therefore, of love with the best possible outcome.
The Conscious Heart
Love
Economic
Responsible
Communicates cleaner clearer
Holds space for my
character weaknesses
Works with and recognizes the same in others
Is present
Hidden seeds of truth reveille the
next step
and the
steps that follow
Gives love
and receives it
Chooses to love
those who will return a love
Is a direct experience
Lives forever
Gratitude
This weekend I had the privilege of being with old friends, sharing tears, challenges, laughter, jokes, stories, and fun. As I reflect and hold the moment in gratitude, I also rediscover and reconnect to the great things within the little things that open my heart.
Gratitude
Gratitude quietly turns what we have into more than enough.
Know what you seek is seeking you.
Appreciate what you have while you pursue your goals.
The sunrise is a blessing for the whole day.
Hear blessings dropping love’s gifts around you.
The world gives more than I can ever give it.
Everything teaches us something,
Be grateful for those who most deserve gratitude.
Question things you take for granted.
Do quickly what your heart directs
create harmony with what you think
what you say, and what you do.
What is love?
Thankfulness,
It is also the fix for pride.
Gratitude feeds life.
Contemplate, relax,
“Be” in the moment.
Listen to find barriers within
You once placed between you and love.
The quieter you become, the more you can hear.
Thank you for making a difference in my life.
Love to you and those you love.
Eugenia
Hurrying
Hurrying
Recently, I went to lunch with a friend. As we lounged back in our chairs, enjoying the outdoor summer dining, I realized we might not get back to a scheduled event on time, and I made a quick energy shift to let's get out of here.
As I rushed from the outdoor space through the restaurant and out the door, my friend politely followed but clearly did not understand my urgency and made a few observational jokes about my sudden rush as I worked to catch up with myself.
We made it to the event on time (with a few moments to spare), but I later wondered, at what cost?
I have been thinking about the phrase "hurry up and wait." To me, this phrase implies means that there is an inefficient use of time. But is the point to be efficient with our time, or to be present for it?
Time enjoyed is not wasted, nor is time spent learning difficult lessons. All too often, however, we avoid being present in the moment and indulge in some form of distraction. What are some common ways that we distract ourselves without realizing it?
Worrying may feel necessary, but it produces nothing of value. If you could eliminate it from your life, how else could you use your time and energy? What superpowers could you cultivate?
Buffering is another way to escape emotion. Buffering takes us away from the present moment by choosing unconsciousness over self-awareness.
We don't always recognize people-pleasing as a way to avoid being present in the moment, but when we say yes to get someone to change how they feel about us, we are not showing up as our true selves.
Indecision denies action. It's okay to take a step even if you don't know what step will follow. If you feel we don't have enough information to move forward, try something to gain insight. Reflection and information-gathering are essential parts of moving forward.
Judging ourselves and others gives us nothing in return. Being judgmental may feel like action, but it is not productive and doesn't take us anywhere. If we stop judging, we can listen to our desires more clearly and open ourselves up to new choices and directions.
Regretting is how we use our past at the expense of our present. You don't need to regret a past behavior, never to do it again. You can learn and let go.
By paying attention to how we get sidetracked and choosing to reduce or eliminate the time we spend engaging our distractions, we create and hold more time/space for ourselves and, in turn, for others.
Patience
People often tell me they want to have more patience. Many people struggle with patience or are very hard on themselves when they feel they have not been patient enough.
Impatience is an unwillingness to wait for something or someone. Humans sometimes feel impatient; the feeling came in handy in the hunter-gatherer days and told us when to move on from a place that was no longer prosperous or from a hunt that was not feeding us. When we look at it from an evolutionary perspective, impatience is a survival emotion that motivates us to move on from things that are no longer serving our best interests.
In contrast, patience means having the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. While I understand that this sounds much more honorable, I believe that it all comes down to what is fueling the patience or impatience.
Patience and impatience are feelings; feelings are neither positive nor negative, and either feeling can fuel productive or counterproductive actions. It is less about patience or impatience and more about noticing the thought behind the feeling.
The onset of either of these feelings is a moment to pause, feel the feeling, and become curious. Ask yourself some empowering questions: What am I making this mean? What is this moment teaching me, and what am I creating in my life when I am patient or impatient?
Paying attention to our thinking and noticing what we feel provides necessary insight into our blind spots. Feeling your feelings all the way through, taking responsibility for them, and the thoughts that create them better ables you to find a connection to the patience you seek.
A Manual
In team sports, referees or officials watch a game or match closely to ensure that the rules are adhered to and (in some sports) arbitrate on matters arising from the play.
In professional or personal settings, there are no referees. While your HR team is busy promoting teamwork, some may belittle their colleagues, steal ideas, make passive-aggressive wisecracks, and find dozens of other ways to suck the air out of a room.
The good news is that the choices and behaviors of others do not impact us emotionally until we interpret their intentions and assign meaning to them. It can be tempting to try and control others and worry about what they should be doing instead of focusing on ourselves. However, thinking we can control others is an illusion. People are going to do what people are going to do.
It is essential to ensure that we do not formulate Manuals for how we think others should behave. It is easy to judge someone's behavior and think they should be likable, respectful, kinder, or more polite. When seeking the best in others, making assumptions or forming a set of beliefs around what their best should be is not helpful. When doing this, we are essentially writing a manual for how the other person should behave.
As humans, we are all cut from the same cloth. However, this does not mean everyone's values or life choices are the same. There is a wide range of how humans decide to show up.
Regardless of how others act, we alone are responsible for how we choose to think, feel, and show up. In times like this, having clear boundaries for ourselves and enforcing them comes in handy.
When I think of changing or judging others, I find Richard Maybury's Two Laws helpful in bringing my focus back into balance. Do all you have agreed to do. Do not encroach on other persons or their property. This change of focus allows me to look to the spark of God in everyone and love them as humans either up close or, if necessary, from afar. Except and allow others to be their own best, and look to be with those who like and celebrate you for who you are. You deserve nothing less.
Self Care
Self Care
I had a fantastic time this weekend. I went on a cycling trip with friends I hadn't seen in a couple of years. It was so good to do what I love with people from all walks of life. After a quiet picnic lunch at a beautiful gazebo in a park, we rode the return trip into the city, climbing the hills we had enjoyed descending earlier in the day and enjoying the satisfaction of crossing the George Washington Bridge back home.
Originally, I planned to go on two rides this weekend. I was surprised when, on the night before the second ride, I felt conflicted and started looking for reasons to stay home. Why was I feeling the need to sit out from one of my favorite activities? I have never felt stronger and knew that a quick physical recovery was not the problem. The familiar feeling of being out of alignment with myself is how I know I need to care for myself in another way. I realized that what I needed was quiet time alone.
In Stillness
( twenty to thirty minutes daily)
Identify the noise of the world, then let it go
Judgment-free notice your thoughts, beliefs, and wants as mere windows into your thinking, then let them go
In stillness
Connect to your love source
Nature, a place, something/someone you love, or sing HU a love song
In quiet contemplation, listen and watch, and see what comes up for you
Then simply go about your day
Loving all that you are
Being the best you can
Doing the best you can
Know Your Why
As life's situations intensify and today's news becomes louder, I have noticed unexamined past thoughts coming to the surface. Thoughts that I had put away for another day are resurfacing to be examined. To me, this is a sign that I am beginning to feel overwhelmed and need to rediscover my "why,"
As humans, we need not only to identify our deepest desires but also to be confident that we can achieve them. With both, we can overcome obstacles that are before us. We all need to connect, love, be loved, and be ourselves. We all want to make an impact and a contribution. But it can be overwhelming to navigate all of these needs at once.
It is easy to think that we must place ourselves on the back burner to serve and care for others. However, service that comes from a place of fear or chaos is neither helpful nor sustainable.
We get to decide who we are and how we will show up, and your "why" is your superpower; it is yours alone. No one else's "why" is more important, better, or worse than yours. What matters is that it comes from the deepest part of your being. It is less important that you know how to achieve or fulfill your "why" and, more importantly, that you plant your feet firmly on the path you are on now and begin from wherever you are. Spend time dreaming, contemplating, and nurturing your "why." Every day, do one thing that will bring you closer to it.
If you feel overwhelmed, create a moment of stillness for yourself to rest your mind and listen. Like the trees outside my window, trust in that which roots you to the ground. Love is the firmest anchor. Be the caretaker of your life and reconnect to your "Why."
Thoughts and Beliefs
Thoughts and Beliefs
After graduating from college, my daughter decided to choose Law school over becoming an editor, and when I asked her why she told me that she liked that law school didn't teach what to think, it taught you how to think.
Her answer created a significant shift in my beliefs about the Law. Being a visual artist, I never thought of the Law as having freedom and creativity within it.
Ultimately, the most significant freedom and creativity we have is deciding what we make the circumstances in our lives mean. When faced with a problem, notice what your thoughts are and see if you can trace the cause of that problem back to your thoughts about the circumstances and events.
The trick is to become aware of your thoughts and then notice if your thoughts are rooted in a belief that you hold. When negative feelings come up, feel them instead of denying them, they provide insight into your beliefs.
Today as I clean my closets, I realize that I apply a similar practice to my beliefs. I am curious and challenge them. I ask myself why I have chosen to hold onto this way of thinking, and then I consider if it serves me and if it is worth continuing. Sometimes finding a path forward is choosing to change a belief and look at a situation differently.
There are so many beliefs out there. You have a sacred, protected space of free will and choice over what you think. You determine what you believe. It is for you alone to take complete responsibility for your mind.
"A person's freedom ends where another man's freedom begins." Abraham Lincoln
10 Great Questions To Ask Yourself
What if my child is perfect the way he/she is?
What if I am the perfect parent for my child?
How can I love myself exactly as I am?
How can I love my child exactly as he/she is without trying to change them?
Where is the perfection that exists at this moment?
What if all the answers to my questions were inside of me?
Am I listening, or have I shut down?
How did I create this moment?
Am I working from power or love?
What would love do now?